HomePortalGalleryFAQRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Break: Review

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Break: Review   Mon Jul 08, 2013 11:36 pm

Hello, all!

So by the time you read this topic, you'll have noticed a new topic in Codrex Magna Fiction. Most of you will just shrug at the fact that it's there (if that), but I'm sure one or two of you will wonder: why another project?

Once in a while, I take time off from the many writings I should be doing, and rattle off an entire little 3-page story. These bits are often interesting glimpses into individual characters, brief looks at scenarios that have spun off my other, larger work that hasn't come to completion. They're just a break for me, and I hope that if you read anything of mine, these bits will be an interesting brief break for you, too.


... And yes, this is kind of a non-BIONICLE ripoff of Visions, but I might have more of these. We shall see!



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:49 pm

That was good, of course. I have to start by saying that. The situation was intense, and the lore that you've created here implies an intriguing amount of depth, especially Quil. Whether it's the implication that he knows something which the reader doesn't, or that he was able to contact the others when no one else cold, or that his name starts with a Q, I want to know more about him.

I'm growing a bit wary of your usual character choice - the apathetic muse and the dry-witted philosopher seem to crop up a lot - I admit that you work with a broad category of characterization which leaves plenty of room for exploration. After all, I was invested in your characters by the end of this short story, so they must do something right.

I suppose I'll close with a complaint about your choice of present tense narration. While I can respect some of the implications - Nike doesn't have a future to be narrating from, after all - present tense narration is a personal pet peeve of mine ever since Hunger Games.

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Tue Jul 09, 2013 5:38 pm

Thanks much.

There is something going on here, with a whole world behind this story. What does Quil mean, "ebbed away"? Why him turning communicator and not someone better-appointed, like someone who served under Cr. Reyso? We might never know, and our protagonists certainly won't.

I see what you mean by the basic character mold, and I hope I'm not getting too used to it. :P It comes naturally and I didn't even have to think about Cedrus and Nike - they were easily realized and just sort of worked. But as long as that connection was made, as long as you were invested in them, that's what really matters in anything.

I'm not sure what your problem is with present-tense narration though. In this story, it really does have to be present-tense; I think even as I progress with Break, plenty will be present-tense, because in a way all the situations will be "contemporaneous", if that means anything. I wonder if I'd understand your complaint more if I'd read the Hunger Games, though. :P (I haven't and probably won't read it.)


One note on this story: it was literally written in two days. I wrote the first ~12 sentences late on the afternoon of the 7th. Yesterday, the 8th, all of the rest was written and went through first, second, and final drafts immediately so I could post it in the evening. Hopefully future bits will be this easy, though I have a slightly sacrilegious one half-done already.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Tue Jul 09, 2013 5:59 pm

There's an often unwritten rule that you should never tell an artist of any kind what they should an shouldn't do, since art is about creativity and all. And yet, I've always felt that stories "should" be written in the past tense, and when I come across those that aren't, I find it jarring and unpleasant. Not so much that I can't enjoy good writing, but a noticeable resistance.

Splendid writing speed. It's good that you've written something so hot-off-the-press; I should strive to imitate you in that regard. That somewhat unnamed project of mine has been in the early stages of development for months, now...

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:06 pm

That's kind of why I try not to write in past tense, because so many are. I'll admit this: I started writing this story in past tense, along with the next one. The thing is, I still read a lot of children's books (and young-adult, embarrassingly :P) these days because I think I want to write like that, until I realize their execution is mediocre and they're all in past tense. I want to avoid that, if possible.

Though, you said the Hunger Games was in present tense, so I don't think I'll try as hard for present tense in the future. :P

I'm also pleased I managed to get this out so fast, I haven't done something like that in a long time and it's probably a good thing to keep it going with this next one. No pressure on your own, but you've got to get on it sometime. It's not like you've got someone standing around waiting for you to be done with your pseudo-nameless project, but if you can get it to a point where it goes as fast as this one went, you'll be as excited as anyone else to see it through, I think.


EDIT: New installment! I warned you about sacrilege.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Fri Jul 12, 2013 12:58 pm

Hilariously, I had considered mentioning Lorezno in my last review, as he was one of the more intriguing characters that you've set forth.

Although you've compared Break to Visions, I expected more continuity with your first chapter, not this. Although it was a surprise, though, it was a pleasant one. It's good to see that Lorezno freed himself from the Darkness' rule, and it's even inspiring to see the new OCs breaking out. Corrupted wasn't as hopeless a setting as many of us have been tempted to dismiss it as.

Good work, you're pushing me further and further on my own project, and of course, I look forward to more.

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:27 pm

Haha, the thing I'm most glad about is that you remember Lorenzo. :D Good that this was a pleasant surprise, though, and that you enjoyed seeing the five's break for freedom.


I should make an important note here, though: Never expect Break to have any continuity. It's as mixed a bag as Visions, if not more (because there's no restriction to the BIONICLE universe); be prepared for anything. I currently have no plans to return to the world you saw in "Skyward", nor the skipped-ahead Corrupted of "Corrupture", unless there's some sort of public outcry.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
Cryomancer
The Cold Mage
avatar

Posts : 5869

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:13 am

Good lord, I'm actually quite enjoying these. The writing is sublime, and of course these little short stories leave a lot of interest peaked.

Also, for some little thing I came up with out of boredom, Corrupted seems to be referenced quite a bit.

_________________
Back to top Go down
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:14 am

Given how few reviews you give, I'm excited to hear that you're enjoying this! There's every sign this is going to be a continuing thing, so hopefully you'll have plenty to look forward to. :P


Even if it was something you came up with out of boredom, though, Corrupted is the first archetypal site-literalization serial. I think the only thing predating Corrupted that still gets referenced is The Specter's Last Dance.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 15, 2013 7:53 pm

By The Specter's Last Dance, I assume you mean Hacker!

Hacker! was, if I recall correctly, the first site-literalization, and one of the first fan fics on BAW. The only thing barring it from the status of archetype was its musical nature, I suppose.

The Specter's Last Dance, meanwhile, came after Corrupted and made several references to it, including Rebelionicle and KittyKat, and plans were in the works for a role for Lorezno as well.

Of course, it wasn't as long-lived as it could have been. XD

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 15, 2013 8:10 pm

Oh my Composite Gods you're right, I cannot BELIEVE I'm mixing up these pieces of site history. Yes, you are completely right, I meant Hacker!

You're also right about the status of Hacker! - it was the very first site-literalization post-BZP-times. It was the first fiction on BAW that wasn't BIONICLE-based (so I hesitate to term it "fanfiction"). And, yes, it was a musical, so thus quite eligible for being an archetype - no others followed in your vein. :P

I would've liked to see Lorenzo come up in The Specter's Last Dance, though I wonder how that'd've turned out...

Also, isn't "not as long-lived as it could have been" the story of like everything we've done? :P BAWEPE, BAWDA in a way, Corrupted and Hacker! and Visions and the "HxtBSS" and The Specter's Last Dance and VEZONICLE and do I really need to go on.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 15, 2013 8:35 pm

I've just ended another D&D campaign early, so one does have to wonder. Still, I prefer to think of these attempts as experiments, the mistakes of which we learn from and develop our styles and interests.

What was HxtBSS?

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 15, 2013 8:44 pm

Even if those attempts weren't experiments, you might as well use them like they were. :P There's always mistakes to learn from. In the case of D&D, apparently my mistake was wanting to try it.

The HxtBSS was my planned hextet of BIONICLE short stories, five of which made it to completion and the half-baked sixth of which only manifested in a small MOC. I'm still considering writing up and posting the final one, as I sort of promised I would, but since nobody reads them and few people read them, no one's going to care whether I complete that project or not.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 15, 2013 10:41 pm

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with D&D... Care to discuss it in the associated topic?

I admire the mythos we've managed to cobble together, referencing our old works. In many ways, the spirit of Hacker!, Corrupted, and its kin live on in the Tale. And at least I know that however slow it might crawl, it won't end until the Codrex is open for business...

... And even then, we have Outlands Corrupted, huh? Smile


_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:48 pm

Haha, it's not a terrible experience. :P I'll just say my brief bit there though.

Our mythos is the epitome of metaphorical bootstrapping. We started with just a site and built it up higher than I could've imagined - the fact that the Tale went well beyond literalization of the internet into a purer world-building has helped a lot. But don't be silly about the Tale ending, that won't happen just with the Codrex Magna sphere gaining its members. (Hint: there's more than 3 narrators of the Tale.)

It's true though, TOC is yet another venue of our mythos.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 22, 2013 12:09 am

The newest chapter: incredible, and insufficient.

You've forged an original and intriguing mythos out of thin air for us, a kingdom and system of magic (or perhaps sufficiently advanced technology, ect.) that I simply must know more about. Regardless of the discontinuity of this chronicle, I hereby demand to know more about this kingdom and its people. If not in the Break thread, then elsewhere.

Or, if you prefer a more sentimental review, have this instead: you have proven that you are not out of fascinating ideas, Wally, ideas that would make many professional writers jealous. I am certainty humbled, which is always a pleasure. Smile

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:01 am

It will be done, Spectral.  This one I intend to come back to, because even as the author, I don't think I could resist seeing more of this mythos.  :P  I'm enjoying this Break almost as much as y'all, I think, and this story was too brief to even begin to whet the appetite.  I'm glad that you're that intrigued by it though!

I'm very pleased to hear that on my ideas, though.  As I've said many times, I try to write for all audiences, so I use "young-adult" fiction as my guideline, but I'm so often let down by the mediocrity of either their ideas or their execution.  It's been good for my own creativity to read uncreative things: I'm driven to do better than them.  :P  Rachis's kingdom is probably one of the less-wild tangents I've taken, as it was hastily created in two days, and I'm happy to hear it's a good direction.




-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:39 pm

Well, I can only assume that this latest update was scene-setting for an ongoing series of entries, so I'm trying to refrain from judgment. You've blended unusual names with an otherwise familiar atmosphere, and telling you not to do that would be like telling a painter to stop using canvas. There's much potential to be explored with this unnerving mix of the usual and unusual, and that backdrop has served your style well in the past.

However, Remi... I warned you earlier that cynical philosophers and innocent but apathetic muses were growing tiresome for me. Even as a single work, Remi has only come across as angsty for me thus far, and, out of all of your writings, she seems to have the least reason to be mad at the world.

I can only implore you to consider the wide range of stock characters that are out there was you move forward. Rachis and Stone King Montague are two names I don't have to look up - they stuck with me. But I had to check the topic to remember Remi's name. It's hard, in my personal taste, to sympathize with someone who acknowledges some problem and does nothing to try and fix it. I can't help but feel that Remi is, in fact, partially responsible for having no friends. Sure, her story arc might see her reform, and I'll see that through if you continue writing it, but I'm afraid I've found it a disappointing start.

Also, I have an interesting note about your preference for Young-Adult Fiction. And this half of my post is pure reporting, not meant as critique, I promise. :P

A speaker from One Teen Story, a somewhat obscure publication, albeit renowned in its own field, came to a meeting of our school's Literary Magazine, of which I am a writer. She was asked - I can't recall by whom - what the difference between Young-Adult and Adult Fiction was. The age of the protagonists was, of course, the first distinction she made, but she went further than such a basic definition.

In her opinion (that of professional editor of a relatively renowned publication, but if she said something that I disagreed with I probably wouldn't be persuaded by her credentials alone) Young Adult Fiction focuses on action, as an audacious young adult might, whilst Adult Fiction tends to contain more soliloquies, regrets, and pondering what might-have-been.

It seems like a reasonable conclusion to reach, but I'm not certain how it would apply to your style - Break alone seems to have elements of each.

And as I hope we've established by now, no offense intended. Smile

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Thu Nov 07, 2013 12:38 am

Thank you so much for a review, Spectral, even if it's taken me forever to get around to it. :P However, as the reader, it's your job to judge - so judge away. I figured on that, and I won't be offended.

This was an introductory sort of vignette, yes, but it wasn't my original setting for Remi. Perhaps that comes across, too… As I look at this piece, Remi's anger does seem to be disproportionate, though. Some piece is missing and I don't quite know what. I will say this, I intended for her to be traveling with a certain mysterious recurring fi(n)gure, so she wasn't a lone character in the middle of a story.

I don't know where you got the name Montague from, but I see what you mean. :P Remi, in some ways, is more of a semitagonist - she hasn't stood alone in my story ideas before. But I wanted to try something with her by herself. If I write something further with her, or rewrite this one, I'm going to have to keep your opinion in mind. I think many readers might agree with you - including me.


On your anecdote/reporting, interesting. For the first part, I'm not sure how age distinctions would apply to my style, as a majority of my characters have no given ages. But for the second, I try to mix those elements fairly equally. I have much more of a sense of what's possible with young-adult fiction, as that's most of what I read (as it's what I try to write). Despite that, and despite the fact that I don't read much adult fiction (weirdly enough), my short stories tend to veer in the direction of what would be considered by that editor as adult fiction elements.

I hope I can continue to blur that distinction. :P



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:14 pm

Okay, calling Gutenberg "Montague" did not help my case, and is a tad embarrassing. It's a shame, because he's one of my favorite characters in Break so far, tied with Quil.

Still, I encourage you to continue writing, because blurring distinctions is one of many thing you've proven adapt at. Your style is quite uniquely surreal and intriguing, and I think my early exposure to it might be why I took so long to really appreciate it.

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Nov 10, 2013 10:00 am

It's not the most embarrassing confusion of names, but I'm glad you appreciated Gutenberg as a character. :P I didn't expect him to be that interesting…

I will certainly continue writing into the foreseeable future, if that's what you mean. :P I can't thank you enough for reading.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Dec 14, 2013 10:03 pm

Alright, let's talk about the Hammer Gang.

I have a high estimation on the impact of titles. The Door Lord. The King of the Crossroads. The Demon that Never Sleeps. The Groaning King and his Vessels of Lore. The Stranger. These are names which instantly invoke respect for the characters who possess them, even if they lose them in short order - I thought the design of the Door Lord was pathetic, for example, but his role in the story and behavior redeemed his lackluster appearance.

A few organizations have awe-inspiring names, too, although it can be harder to pull off. Scorpia or the Illuminati might not hit the sweet spot for me, but the Silence or the Whalers? Their names convey, in a very abstract way, the ideology which they stand for. Combined with an awesome aesthetic, these organizations quickly become epic villains, even if their evil plan or big reveal fall under, as I often find evil organizations prone to doing.

The Hammer Gang?

I don't think a fictional organization has ever had a more intriguing name, and what little we see of them backs up their claim. I haven't seen every fictional organization out there, but I was rooting for the Hammer Gang as soon as could conclude that they weren't just angsty teenagers causing trouble in the neighborhood. No, these guys hire NotWizards to imprison physical goddesses (insist on gender neutrality if you must) and seem to be waging war against magic. I imagine them as a muggle worker's union deciding to cast off the authority magic users and deities have been exercising over them, and clearly having some measures of success. As fun as it might have been to hear the wizards and goddess' bantering, I just want to hear more of that captain who was bold enough to talk back to a goddess. Go muggles!

Just a note; as soon as I heard that Issamith (another great name, but not a title) was composing a song, I knew what was up. Spell-songs are a relatively common concept, so I found it odd that you stopped to explain it, while you just leave us to figure out so much else on our own. The blending of the surreal and real, the matter-of-fact way you treat uncommon occurrences, because they're common in this world, is a part of what makes your writing so enjoyable. I'd say it reminds me of Nightvale, but of course Nightvale reminds me of you. Has that reached you through osmosis yet, by the way?

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Dec 15, 2013 9:15 pm

I'm not sure what I can say on the subject of the Hammer Gang(s), other than thank you so much for your estimation of them.  :P  I guess there really is something to them.  You may end up hearing more from the Hammer Gang(s), as this is one installation I wrote as a prequel fragment to another entirely unfinished project.

On your note... is your critique that you thought it's good I explained a common concept while leaving one to figure out the unusual ones, or that you thought it wasn't necessary to explain a spellsong?

Night Vale is that podcast thing?  I've heard of it, but it's been a while.  And no, I haven't looked into it.  :P  I don't really do podcasts...



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Dec 16, 2013 12:49 am

I'm afraid that I thought the spell song explanation was unnecessary.

And yeah, Night Vale is that podcast thing. :P I'll try not to push it on you, but I think it has similarities to your writing style, the treatment of the paranormal as the mundane.

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Dec 16, 2013 12:53 am

Okay, I just wasn't sure which way your critique ran.  :P  I'll keep the unnecessaryness in mind!

I might look into Night Vale then, if it's free (is it?), but I'm just not a podcast kind of person generally.  Sounds somewhat interesting, I suppose...



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Dec 16, 2013 9:09 pm

Well, I don't know if the podcast format itself is what puts you off, but Night Vale is indeed free, and since it is, after all, a narrative, it deviates from normal "talk show" style podcasts considerably.

As for Break... were the Hammer Gangs meant to be sympathetic at all? If it does boil down to mag vs. mundane (and NotWizardry), it would be intriguing to know which side you, as the writer, were taking.

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Dec 16, 2013 9:39 pm

If it's free I might look into it, then. It is the audio-only format that tends to put me off though. :P I don't know why.

I have to say that I seldom mean one side to be more sympathetic than another. This case is no exception. Just because I chose to present the story from the point of view of skinny, gender-confused Nyctes doesn't mean you have to take the wizard's side. I just went with a natural narrator. I don't take sides in the struggle going on. :P

And in general that's my tack as a writer. Any reader, including me, will end up taking a particular point of view at least unconsciously in the course of a semi-good story. But I just write to present things, hoping to make things real by also making them ambiguous. Yes, the Hammer Gangs are the righteous proletariat real-people, rising up for their own fortunes, but they also take prisoners by brutal force. Yes, the gods and wizards seem to be the ones keeping order in general, but at least some gods are explosively temperamental and just dangerous.

The point of the rant being, of course, that I didn't take a side 'cause I don't take sides when writing. :P



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Tue Dec 17, 2013 12:14 pm

I see, I might have expected an answer along those lines. :P Long-term, most of my stories have a perspective that I feel is justified, but I don't think that shows in the opening chapters or vignettes.

Still, if you'd like a devil's advocate, I have a hard time hearing that you don't favor Lorenzo over the Darkness. :P

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Tue Dec 17, 2013 6:08 pm

Haha, you have a point there.  Yes, I favored Lorenzo a bit over the Darkness.  But I did say I generally don't take sides as a writer.  :P

That aside, though, I guess your earlier question was one of what point of view I have, too?  And in that case I have to say that it's not so much the conscious process of refraining from taking a side, and more the lack of a bias, at least in "Torchbearer".  I don't think of either the wizards or the Hammer Gangs as having my opinion, or a rightful claim, on their side.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Thu Jan 09, 2014 1:52 am

Oh gods a meta piece of flash fiction written in great haste is this actually a good idea.

Fun fact: the Gentlemen are Sir Morrison Jenkins Rhodes, Cyrus Apollo, Nicholas Geist, Bilius Felderoz, and Chance Valter.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Fri Jan 24, 2014 1:37 am

I don't know if I should be concerned or just amused by tRGfGCM (you constantly give things I'm working on unruly acronyms, so I hope this sticks to even the score... :P ) but you certainly hit the right notes. I don't know if it was part of the joke, or I was supposed to be able to keep track of the different characters. I wasn't. Good names, though. And I just got the meta punch line as I was writing this, devious!

Let's promise to keep our collaborative efforts to original ideas that we're excited about, and not fandoms we're vindictive towards.

Actually, let's promise to keep our fiction original and not vindictive. :P

And speaking of original - Quake Raven. Navigating a temple by knowing what the god it's devoted to would think was used in the Last Crusade to great effect, but here you've wrung it out for all it's worth. The god of justice forgives small things, not big ones, hence why you can duck under the bars but not climb them, correct? I was very impressed by your cunning, good sir.

The list of items was hilarious, and their descriptions more so. Still, you established that this is in the same continuity as the Tale (or that the contact can dimension hop. Or Facebook is a multiversal constant) which implies that the Outlands have religions, or at least one. Wasn't there a cult to the Dead Magician?

But the ending, especially the purpose of the items... less is more when it comes to comedy. It was funnier to think that the protagonist (don't recall the name) needed those things for different reasons, and just happened to ask for biological weapons alongside action figures to save on shipping costs or something. Knowing that they just happened to be the inexplicable summoning stones for a deity that doesn't exist? And why would a god of Order be called Justice Dude, and why is his own Summoner afraid to enter his temple, and why those items?

I'm afraid that, like you're second person narrator, I also gave up at the ending. Maybe obfuscation is what you were going for, but I sort of wish I had stopped reading halfway through, and however artistic it may have been, I'm not sold. Sorry.

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Fri Jan 24, 2014 2:01 am

This was a rather twisty-turny review with an "oh CGods" ending. :P

For tRGfGCM, sorry you couldn't keep track of the characters (it was quickly and shoddily written with regards to their placement), but it wasn't thoroughly necessary. The whole story was for the punchline, though. :P The rest is just a little reminder that nobody really gets anything done when we stick to what we know.


"Quake Raven" is a weird one for sure. It's too bad that it does intentionally and mind-bogglingly get incomprehensible at the end, but somewhere in there is a little moral - did you really expect that Rus would find what he was searching for?

I'm probably going to have to explain myself by writing a sequel, because although the exact nature of the items seems like fan-wankery for a storyline that isn't there, there's a reason they ought to draw someone out who's sniffing around for them, not just exist for different reasons.

Some more surprising but unsurprising facts.

The Quake Raven in question, the sky-splinterer who isn't a god and knows the god isn't there, was not meant to be in this story originally: it was going to be like "Waiting for Godot" except nobody would think this is clever.

Your insight on the iron bars was not something I thought about when I described them but now I realize you must be exactly right in your analysis, and that relates to the fact that there are a lot of things in Rus's precious package. (I told you I just write and don't realize the consequences 'til later! :P)

You're right about there being a cult in this, the Outlands World, but it was actually centered around Dr. McFacepalm himself; the Dead Magician is relatively unknown and reviled when he is known. This temple is something else, of course...


Again, I need a sequel to "Quake Raven", even if it can't assuage your disagreement with the climactic quake. :P Heck, it probably won't, but at least I have incentive to improve.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Fri Jan 24, 2014 11:10 pm

Oh, he would have been a Composite, wouldn't he? I didn't make that connection...

I'm not sure that "nobody really gets anything done when we stick to what we know," especially since at the moment activity is centered around an RPG which is arguably older than the site itself, and quite familiar to the remaining Codrexians.

It may be that my understanding of Quake Raven will evolve as you expand upon its ideas, although I fear that the items will remain unsatisfactory. We refer to an object that could easily be replaced by any other and serve the same purpose as a MacGuffin, and so far I don't see how the story would have been any different if Rus had been after an entirely different list. Not revealing their purpose is funny, but it's implied that combining these seemingly unrelated objects at a certain location achieves a similarly unrelated goal. Is it the absurdity that action figures and plush toys summon the Composite God of Order, Justice Dude? Because, while your work often makes me chuckle, this sort of humor is far outside of your normal tone... confused

As a side note, CGods reminds me of GCat, so if you're intent on distancing yourself from Homestuck, you might consider a different acronym. :P

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:54 am

No, I wasn't referring to Judgment Dude, I just butchered a joke by accident. :P Sorry.

The thing is with ORe is that it takes what we know and, given the Dark Hemisphere and the killing off of our old characters, moves way beyond it. It's the best of both worlds but it's hardly sticking to what we know.

It wasn't meant to be humorous, so perhaps that's the problem. XP Partly there is the absurdity of the thing, but the important thing is simply that Rus got the combination wrong, and perhaps there didn't need to be those items in the first place. I'm working on a possible sequel and hoping to address the flaws that you can of course see here, but I'm not going to be an apologist for it either. Everything in Break is just a story I threw together on a whim and if I did something wrong, then I'm wrong with it and there's no getting around that.


On CGods, I will not ever base my decisions on a work that bears no relation. Let's make this perfectly clear: I stopped reading Homestuck only because I found its fandom odious, AND frankly it annoys me more to think of meekly altering my course of acronyming so as to avoid the bloated bulk of someone else's output in the first place.

Despite what you may think, my vitriol comes not against the work of Andrew Hussie (who is hilarious) but with all fandoms and the nature of originality.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Jan 25, 2014 1:27 pm

...alright, I can certainly except those positions. And I look forward to future updates!

And, although let the record show that I'd be more interested in a Torchbearer or Backbone sequel than a Quake Raven follow-up... did Quake Raven take place in the Outlands? And if it did, what does the presence of the eponymous Raven imply about the nature of a certain Crow? Different birds, I know, but very similar.

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Jan 25, 2014 5:04 pm

I'm glad you can agree, and there will be future updates. :P

I began work on a direct sequel to "Backbone" a while ago and there'll probably be more from the world of "Torchbearer", but I feel that I should address "Quake Raven"'s flaws while it's still fresh in my mind - and it is a matter of addressing flaws rather than following up on a success, which is more important to me at the moment. For now, you'll have to draw your own conclusions about the setting and implications of "Quake Raven"...

Anyway, it looks like our next installment won't involve any sequeling, and I hope to finish that one soon.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Jan 26, 2014 7:51 pm

I won't say that I loved Battle Wish, although it came at a good time in my research of the New Weird movement. If you've ever wondered what genre you write in, it's New Weird. And if you resent my attempts to classify your work in the synthetic system of clichéd genres, it's New Weird. :P

As always, I give you credit for inventive world-building, but I fear that this was just a little two incoherent for me. There are a few times that the second person narration lapsed into first, which seems to have been exclusively the pronoun "my." I've concluded that you probably wrote this in first person and used find-and-replace to modify it, and I'm not sure why, since I recall you holding second person in low regard, you've used it two times in as many stories. You seem to have been on an absurdist streak, as well, for the last few stories, and it seems like it's worn a bit thin - perhaps if these stories were mixed in with stories that answer the questions they raise, I'd appreciate their quirkiness in smaller doses. Or perhaps I should be expecting to be lost in a series of short stories called "Break."

I remain in the hope for some nice, enlightening sequels. :P

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Jan 26, 2014 8:15 pm

Oops lard that's what I get for attempting to rush "Battle Wish". I'm going to take your notice directly to heart and convert this back into the first-person story it wanted to be from the start.

This, however, wasn't meant to be an absurdist story. There are elements of the absurd - excitable harpy Dakin, drunken Reiethei and Teleken, Rainbow Warrior Zingiber - but the serious thread was meant to be more detectable than I'm getting from your review. Maybe a full rewrite is in order? As for the question being answered, even if I do a SERIOUS BUSINESS REWRITE of "Battle Wish", I don't think we're going to get an answer. After all, whether first- or second-person, this is Rin Smith's story and she doesn't have a clue about Zingiber.


Well, next installment (whether or not I rewrite "Battle Wish" suitably) is going to be either seeded by a very old and very needed expansion upon some certain Admins, or else it's going to be Serious Legal Business Day in everyone's favorite Kingdom. Either way it's going to be dry, worldbuilding, and talky, so hang onto your plastic seats everyone.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:23 pm

Well, even if you're tired of one voice in your audience asking that you write what he wants to read, I don't find dialogue-laden world building dry at all. :P I eagerly await!

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:54 pm

Again, Spectral, I will not base my decisions on someone else. :P The wheels of the Admin Expansion Business and the Serious Legal Business installments were set in motion long before you objected to "Quake Raven" and "Battle Wish". But it's nice to know you (think you'll) enjoy it when it does come.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Mon Feb 10, 2014 3:27 am

Haha yeah guys. Say goodbye to "Battle Wish" and say hello to "The Sheriff and the Seraphim".  It's here and it's sprawling and it's only half-done!  Hopefully it's less worse than itself than the last one was, but even if not it was kind of fun to do.

Yes, there is a Part II planned.


... Oh, right, EDIT: And here's a bonus test story I wrote entirely today. I apologize if the fact that it exists isn't much good. I've had no time to look at it in hindsight.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Fri Feb 21, 2014 6:38 pm

Sorry, still not sold on Battle Wish/Sheriff and the Seraphim. I actually do like the improper grammar narration more than the inconsistent second-person, but intentionally improper grammar has been around for decades and I only found it distracting.

Wish House is a neat-ish concept, but I've grown weary of eldritch locations. With a name like that and after the implication that the house is especially malicious, I expected to be a bit disappointed. For all of the rumors that have even the local law enforcement intimidated, the most that Wish House throws at Rin is a barred stairway, some dark rooms, and a standard secret passage. Rin (I would use a pronoun here, but while Battle Wish led me to believe Rin is female, this one makes me think Rin might be a man) even remarks that, although one might expect the corridors to rearrange themselves when one isn't looking, nothing like that happens. I can be difficult to create a suitably labyrinthine location like what Wish House was suggested to be, but you seem to have deliberately written it as... some sort of attack on eldritch locations? A deconstruction? A phrase like, "You might have thought X would happen, as if this were Genre Y, but no" makes me think you're doing this intentionally, but if so I still have no idea what you're getting at.

Rin is likeable, and I'm genuinely concerned that the noble Sheriff is going after whatever the Reales are with a rattled head-case. Still, the observation that our no-nonsense protagonist is afraid of the dark and doesn't like guns seems a bit off the mark. I think it's clear that Rin is meant to be a tad ineffective, and I can admire a character committed to carrying out their duty even if they might not be prepared for what lies ahead.

In short, I still have no idea what's going on in this story, for better or for worse.

--
I like the conceptualization of Newton's Ocean. Meta-fiction is often a treat. Unfortunately, I've read (and written) enough meta-fiction to have heard the story of the character who knew he was a character before. And if I had to judge this story on what it adds to the formula, all I can say is that I don't like Vesper. He's another angsty philosopher, and his standing up and explaining to a classroom full of students and teachers how he's special and the rest of them don't understand strays uncomfortably close to wish fulfillment. He also off-handedly dismisses any attempts to react like a normal classroom full of students and teachers would, and while reading about an English teacher trying to persuade a fictional character that he exists could potentially have droned on a bit too long, the almost complete lack of a normal reaction is quite jarring. Mrs. Ryder's comment about the Fourth Wall, especially.

I know you're not the type to have, or ever download, Steam, but this does remind me of the videogame The Stanley Parable. It's an acute examination of the Fourth Wall, the nature of Choice, and attitudes towards Story in videogames. Perhaps judging a seat-of-your-pants-short-story next to the second edition of a videogame that spent several months in development and backed by a team of writers is unfair, though. :P

--
Alright, Re Quest was a fairly amusing way to follow up Newton's Ocean. XD Newton's Ocean is definitely my least favorite of these three, but I suppose it was worth it for this payoff. The couplet still isn't extraordinary, and I think there's much more to be done with meta-fiction, but they stand together decently enough.

Standing on its own, Re Quest is able to offer the interesting observation that, when the supernatural or paranormal does set in, more likely than not the government wouldn't be competent or quick enough to adapt immediately, and us average folk would have to deal with our black hole briefcases by ourselves. More name shenanigans with Nautilus, and I've given up trying to puzzle out why he wants to be called what he's called, why Siren (is that her first name, or her title?) calls him something else. Actually, playing around with the names, you could have made Vesper's survival more of a shock, which I think would have improved the power of these stories considerably.

--
Well, I'd feel much guiltier sending this if I wasn't prepared to receive similar criticisms on my end and reassured that these stories aren't as refined as they might be. I am intrigued to hear more about your writing process, and how much time you spend on drafts for Break or the Tale, whenever you'd like to share such insight. And, to end this review on a positive note, that you're exploring these avenues in the first place should impress me - the "problems" you're running in to, if we even consent that my objections are problematic, could only be encountered if you're bold enough to experiment, and test limitations. And you're certainly more prolific than I am, so what grounds do I have to complain? :P

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:29 pm

It's nice to know you don't feel too guilty about some bad reviews. You're quite right about these being, as I've put it elsewhere, "mostly halfway half-baked". And I sure do love positive reviews, but how am I ever going to get even better if I don't make a few mistakes? Better yet, writing mistakes have no negative consequences for my future, unlike most mistakes, so all the more reason to keep going! :P

Frankly I'm surprised you didn't care for the improper grammar. It's almost the only thing I put any work into for "The Sheriff and the Seraphim", and I put it there more than as an afterthought - Rin always speaks in lowercase while every other character uses capitals along with some other quirk, making it a handy pocket shorthand to tell apart who's talking, both a little bit in Pt I and in the future (hopefully.)

Wish House is for now both a light play on and an ineffectual jab at "eldritch locations", as you put it. Don't worry if you have no idea what I'm getting at: Break baffles me all the time, unless I really REALLY identify with a character, and even then it's usually because the character is confused (recall the contact from Quake Raven). Wish House is only what you see in it, but remember this: Rin has only just hit the Fifth Floor, the doorless floor. There are supposed to be six floors. They get worse.

Note that Rin makes no Batmannish pretense about guns: she hates them, "but what're you gonna do". She'll always be identified with having a gun, and she has yet to put it away for any significant amount of time. On the other hand I make no excuses for her fear of the dark. She's a just a small-town sheriff who knows her failings.

Interesting that you're confused, and I'm sure you'll only be more confused by a Pt II. :P But there is one thing you shouldn't be confused about: Rin is female.

I do have a question for you - what do you think (so far) of the unseen actor we never saw in "Battle Wish", Mr. Uther Rax?

--------

I don't think anyone really likes Vesper. Let's get that out of the way. (Sorry, Vesper.)

He's an essentially selfish character. The Author, whoever she is, basically browbeats him into awareness, though; nobody's really good in "Newton's Ocean".

I guess my point with the story was that I wanted to do a flawed piece of metafiction with a shallow protagonist who doesn't know how to go about his knowledge in the short life he's given. But what might've done it in, at least for your opinion's sake, is the fact that I tried to do it almost exclusively through Vesper's external reactions. I have a distaste for italicized thoughts and stuff like that, but maybe I should've made it more of a cerebral piece. If I ever come back to it, I'll focus on what's going on inside poor unpopular Vesper's head.

--------

Glad you liked Re Quest at least somewhat, I vaguely worried about it.

It was much more of a standalone than a sequel to "Newton's Ocean". I wrote both at about the same time, both very quickly, and realized I needed names for each protagonist. The familial connection was an afterthought, and Nautilus Vesper's name came first of the two of them.

Delaying the name payoff is very easy, and I've just done a quick-fix version of it.

I still have no idea at all about who or what Siren even is. The really great thing is that almost all of these stories leave the loose ends dangling, ready to be seized. Quil, Lorenzo MacCarlos, Gutenberg, Erisi Kemet, Judgment Dude, and Siren Naysa leave me wondering - maybe more than my readers - and they leave the door open.

--------

Hey, you can complain about my writing if it's bad. :P

Every draft takes a different amount of time, honestly. The longest times and the shortest times are usually associated with the least spectacular stories. "Newton's Ocean" took like zero time and was completed with about as much thought as a promotional toy in a cereal box; it was tacked on to the end of the time it took to create "The Sheriff and the Seraphim", which itself took a medium amount of time. "Quake Raven" took forever; I wrote those beautiful first six paragraphs a long time ago, and they remained unchanged until I finally said "nah forget it" and coughed up the rest of it, which is my main reason for dissatisfaction with it other than Rus Allendi's name (the first name I didn't like in a long time).

The very first one-off I intended for Break remains unseen, a slightly domestic piece about Xexan Ynhrodepst's family. "Skyward" was a breakthrough (pun unintended) that surprised me a bit - I don't usually do standalones, spacey science fiction, or kill off anyone. Honestly though, what surprised me most was that any of you guys liked it; I thought at the time that it was remarkably mawkish.

Then again, I never expect anything I write to be "great", just maybe good once in a while. I basically spew stories in every direction and hope some are unhinged in a way that works. Some are better than others, and if I'm serious about a story I slave over its details - probably to my detriment for Tale part-release times. But I was especially humbled when you said how much you liked "Backbone". I put little time and less effort into it, but I must've done something right, and I will always be driven by the need to understand what that something is.

I'm capable of great things, but I remain incapable of repeating great things.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Feb 22, 2014 3:06 pm

Uther is okay. If Wish House were awesome, then it's land lord would be awesome just by association, and he's by no means a disappointment. I like how he rigidly follows the contract and so forth. But Wish House was written to be intentionally underwhelming, thus... Uther is just okay.

I wonder how much revision goes into the stories, though - are you really "spewing" them out? Were the remaining paragraphs of Quake Raven revised at all? Did you look over Newton's Ocean after you wrote it?

And, hey, you can repeat great things - the Tale has been great repeatedly, for example. :D And it will continue to be great once my character is introd-

Hm, perhaps I shouldn't be so rash. It might come off as passive-aggressive, self-centered... it's hard to make it clear that I'm being facetious using only text. He can't see my facial expression or read my body language. If only there was some way he could get into my head and understand what I'm thinking, maybe I'd come off as less annoying and more likeable and relatable!

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Feb 22, 2014 3:47 pm

I suppose Uther can only get better then. Eheh.

In some cases I really am giving them minimal oversight - "Silver Bullet", tRGfGCM, and "Upon Newton's Ocean" are the best (worst?) examples. I made sure everything was fairly consistent within them, but I did no full-blown quality checks and basically abandoned them. For "Quake Raven", I did some revising of everything, but as I said the first and second parts were different entities altogether, and basically I melded multiple things that (perhaps) shouldn't've even been in the same post: the eponymous portal hacker, the contact and his VT package, the legend of Judgment Dude.

The Tale has its own faults, but I'm sure I can do something crowd-pleasing with it. :P And lardy did you just pull an italicized thought what



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Thu Mar 06, 2014 3:43 am

The latest is one story where if it hits the wrong note, I'm sorry about that. I thought I should just post it while it's fresh in my mind and could still possibly be revised (second-draft stage and all). I do hope one or two of you will remember the main two characters, but I'm guessing not, as they were somewhat minor and from almost 5 years ago.

Other than that, I present it as it is.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Thu Mar 06, 2014 1:06 pm

Actually, "MacGolem" goes ring a bell, but unfortunately I can't place it.

You've used second-person again, and both that and the stuttering were distracting. The story you're telling was potent, but I was frustrated when our protagonist - whom the interface had implied was "me" through second person - didn't recognize that Runa was about to die, when I did. I also wonder about cutting details from Runa's explanation, leaving more to the reader's imagination, especially the torture itself.

Still, it was an interesting retrospective angle to take on yet another intriguing setting and cast. And for once, I found myself satisfied with the amount of the story you've revealed. You've balanced the details quite nicely so that I'm intrigued but not lost, and I might go so far as to call that improvement. :P

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Thu Mar 06, 2014 3:41 pm

Again, I was lazy and went with second person when third person would go more towards revealing who we're dealing with. I'm rewriting that as we speak (so to speak...). I could cut a few more details too, but I won't undo Runa's fragmentary speech. I'm trying to portray an event with all due accuracy - wouldn't someone who's parched and beaten about the face have trouble speaking? Text always makes things hard, but it would just be eyebrow-raising to have large chunks of speech be fluid and easily understood.

Also, if you're more satisfied with the story, isn't that technically improvement in your eyes? :P

EDIT: Oh, and I went with third person, so there you go, Leon Sparso's name. The minor rewrite is done.



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
Lignar
Mysterious Figure
avatar

Posts : 8269

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Apr 26, 2014 6:36 pm

Arty, this is my submission for Proculvisus. I hope it's not too rough. :P

I'll move it over if you approve it, but I'll leave it here as a standalone if you don't. After all, I did basically finish it to this point just before midnight last night. Maybe I should've thought it over more, but this is the way I write RPG posts too...



-|W|G|-

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com
The Spectral Mask
Head Librarian & Game Master
avatar

Posts : 3580

PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:33 pm

I can't speak for Arty, but I do think that you've imitated the Preservation's modus operandi quite effectively. Is this the interpretation of the Preservation that we're going to canonize? I quite like their almost cultish fanaticism and finesse, and Baza was not without a theatric flourish in the present of On Rewinding.

It might be odd to say that Wells' attitudes towards a girl to whom he's been feigning love for years were realistic, yet they were. Their relationship, however unhealthy, seemed plausible. It may have been tempting to just make Wells disdainful, but I'm glad that you didn't. Smile

_________________

Back to top Go down
http://codrexmagna.forumotion.com/
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Break: Review   

Back to top Go down
 
Break: Review
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Codex: Orks review from Dakka Dakka
» In Case of Collapse of Civilization Break Glass
» Quick War of the Ring Review
» Monster Hunter Freedom Unite- Diamyo Hermitaur shell break
» Madcat MC2 Racing Wheel short rambling halfarsed review

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Codrex Magna :: Creative Discussion :: Codrex Magna Fiction-
Jump to: