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Cryomancer
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PostSubject: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:05 am

Here is a topic to discuss Corrupted v.2! Yes, it's actually here!



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PostSubject: Re: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 12:17 pm

Shucks, sir, a very nice first chapter. Very Happy

I had expected a fast-paced action scene, but the slow and quiet start that you've provided was far more profound. The Corrupted!Arty is angsty, as he has every right to be, but he avoids the usual traps of angsty characters. He isn't cruel to those around him, and neither is he to distraught to go on living. Rather, he exists in a half-life between despair and his usual good cheer, in a flux which speaks far more than a usual "grimdark" anti-hero.

My only complaint happens to also be my only complaint with the Tale: that I'm not in it. :P In the Tale, I'm absent, and here, I'm dead. I can't ask you to change that, as I've stated that I like the effect of the Specter's death on Arty, but I can and do ask to see more of the Specter and the Blaze as Arty imagines them, perhaps to see them eventually become post-mortem characters in their own right.

Your map was quite shockingly well-done, and while it's a bit rough around the edges, I daresay Wally will have to up his game. XD

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Cryomancer
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PostSubject: Re: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 1:08 pm

I thank you sincerely!
I didn't want Arty to be wearing spiked bracelets with hair over his eyes, but I felt that for the grim world they're all living in, the sort of PTSD he has would fit nicely.

You don't know how glad it makes me that you enjoyed it, and don't you worry, sir--The Specter will be returning, at the very least in Arty's mind.

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PostSubject: Re: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 4:16 pm

Oh gods you have a colored map, now mine looks downright achromatic.

Anyway, I agree with Spectral!  This Arty is much more tormented than I expected, and in general this reimagining of Corrupted seems to be a darker, quieter, and... "deathier" one.  In all I can't get a sense of events to come from this, but it sets the tone, which is what it should do.

However, I have to voice my doubt of Arty's capabilities.  He may be levelheaded mostly, but the chorus of ghosts in his head already threatens to cripple him - hardly strong material for a freedom fighter.


@Spectral, though, you'll be seeing yourself soon enough!  :P  I've been busy with other essays but the Tale's going to progress...



-|W|G|-

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PostSubject: Re: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 4:44 pm

The thoughts in his head will prove somewhat detrimental to his cause, yes.

I think that's much more interesting--to have a hero who can't actually be a hero--than for Arty to just swoop in, dropping one-liners and goons alike.

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PostSubject: Re: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 6:20 pm

I don't think the classic Arty would've been the right choice, no, though I certainly won't portray him as an effective fighter either.  :P  But on the other hand, I used "cripple" for a reason.  I just think he's already coming across as someone broken, someone who may not be able to do anything against the darkness (or Darkness?), not even to spit in its face.



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PostSubject: Re: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 11:04 pm

It's funny for you to feel that way, Wally. The exact point which I was making earlier was that I thought corrupted!Arty was just the right amount of broken. :P

I think we underestimate crazy people, and I know that we underestimate sad people. Sometimes to need to be a little sad and a little crazy to do the right thing - sad enough to want change and crazy enough to believe that you can do it. And if Arty's understanding of the Specter is similar enough to mine, which it ought to be, there's at least one voice in his head which wants him to fight and believes that he can win. Spectral

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PostSubject: Re: Corrupted v.2 Review Topic   Sat Sep 14, 2013 11:44 pm

... you know something?  I need to start calling our Corrupted-writer AF again with Arty as a character.  :P

I definitely think our AF has the ability to give life to this version of Arty and equip him to do what's right.  But simply knowing that someone believes he can fight and win doesn't mean that Arty, or anyone, is capable of doing it.


Of course, I hope you realize I'm being rhetorical.  :P  Corrupted-Arty will do it, whatever the cost.  And if he doesn't, that will be an insane plot twist!



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