| Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic | |
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Favorite Main Character | The Mage King | | 0% | [ 0 ] | Malfatto D'chelli | | 0% | [ 0 ] | Antonio | | 33% | [ 1 ] | Mei Ling | | 0% | [ 0 ] | Brutus of Scantarva | | 0% | [ 0 ] | Father Frein | | 0% | [ 0 ] | Lord Akdael | | 0% | [ 0 ] | Arkan | | 67% | [ 2 ] |
| Total Votes : 3 | | Poll closed |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:38 am | |
| Dead Men Tell No Tales<*>Centauria Democratica's Info: - Spoiler:
Name: Centauria Pronunciation: Senn-Tarr-Yah Royal Anthem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kzj6wdJuyQ National Anthem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4Jf6r6BU2A Government: Constitutional Monarchy, but the King has much more power. Symbol: http://www.utopsie.com/word/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/biohazard.gif Flag: A white and black striped (diagnol) background, with a gray symbol (as seen above) in the center. Location: Think how New York is shaped, but 20 times larger and near Antarctica Temperatures/Climate: From 40*C to 60*C, mostly lush green fields on the southern part, but lots of mountains and ice on the top. Capitol: Located on the top of a mountain in the... mountainous areas, "Crypolis". King: Unknown, but exists.. President: Malfatto D'chelli Police Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX701wV_WBs&NR=1&feature=fvwp Police Description: This, sometimes without helmets and wearing trenchcoats. . Military Description: Usually dressed in white and gray Camouflage with grey gas masks much likes Kroenens, they carry multiple types of rifles and machine guns. Allies: The Republic Of France, New Russia, Poland, The United Somalia, The American Archipelago, Old Brazil, New Germany, The United Scandinavia Enemies: The Democratic Mexicos, Old China, United Australia, Chile', New Republic of Old Britain
Backstory:On an island about 20 times the size of Manhattan.... Off the coast of Greenland... Lies a small nation. A nation that controlled most of the world for a while. Here lies Centauria Democratica, the Nation of Worlds. It is in some political turmoil. The President is now nothing but a puppet for a King only the old priests of the Atheistic Church of CD remember, and walls have gone up around the nation. The lush fields of the south provide food, but the people still starve. Cryopolis, the capital, is now home to thieves and a new group of rebels. "Los Liberadoras", a group of mostly Portuguese assassins and genii. They have grouped together to try and overthrow the king once and for all. They are going up against a nation.Characters:- Spoiler:
The Mage King: Rumours of this man whisper only among the old ministers, the only ones old enough to remember his reign. He is a tyrant they say, and somehow continues to rule the police and military from his Fortress De Frio, at the peak of the highest mountain in Scantarva, the Northern region of the nation.
Malfatto D'chelli: Not only the President (Actually just a puppet for the king), he is the head of the Health Board of Democratica. He's skilled in many things, deception being number one. He's spineless, and very He hates the Liberadoras, and wants to see them crushed. He's the man with the beak-mask on the poster.
Antonio: The head Assassin, he's quite the trickster as seen by his encounter with Police Unit 1. He definietly trusts his men--and women--with his life, and cares deeply for the continuing of his nations. Centauria Democratica and the ruins of Old Portugal. He's the man in the center on the poster.
Mei Ling: Antonio's partner in crime, and part time girlfriend. She's skilled with fans and other blades, and her wit is as sharp as them. She is the mother-figure of the group, and tends to the Liberadoras wounds. She's the woman on the poster. Despite her appearance, she is indeed from Old Portugal. She just had a Chinese father.
Brutus of Scantarva: A blacksmith/engineer from N'haalk, a small city in Scantarva, he's possibly the most important non-Portuguese member of the Liberadoras. He makes their weapons and assists them in large raids on warehouses. He's the executioner on the poster.
Father Frein: The (second, compared to the king) oldest resident of Cryopolis, and indeed the world. He's somewhere in his early two hundreds, how he has gotten that far is unknown. He is the head priest of the Atheistic Church of Centauria Democratica (CD), and is one of the most respected members of the Demo-Council, made of up powerful figures in the government.
Lord Akdael: The unofficial ruler of the northern region Scantarva. He owns most of the land there, and was said to be given this land by the Mage King, for reasons unknown. He lost his hand from an attack by a Narwalrus, a species native to CD. He wears a cape of Polar Bear skin died brown. He's a Lord of CD, and has some power in the government.
Arkan: The arguably best Assassin and athletic/acrobatic member of the Liberadoras. Quirky and caring, "The Ghost" as called by his friends is one of the quickest killers out there. When he's not telling jokes, he's quiet as the dead, speaking only when needed. He uses a switchblade that can slice through someone at a moments notice. He is the man on the far right on the poster. He is the younger brother of Antonio.
Groups within CD: - Spoiler:
The Council of Democratica: It's members are all influential members of the government, and are lead by President Malfatto. Members; -Malfatto -High General Mach -Father Frein -Inspector/Head Cheif Bloome -Lord Akdael -Lord Mogel -Lord Franszen -Lord Bane -Head Banker/President of the Mint Dusha'at.
The Atheistic Church of Centauria Democratica: The church, an odd one to say the least, worships science... And magic. Although there is no god they worship, but rather they believe there are special "Mages among men" who control elements. The Old King was said to be one of the first. Most of the people living in the World in this time follow this religion, although 10% of the population of Earth is a mix of Buddhist, Hindu, and Roman Catholic. The Grand Church Master is GodFather Frein ("Father Frein"), who is rumored to control Air. The first country to pratice this religion was CD 200 years ago.
Los Liberadoras: "The Good Guys". A mix of Portugese, Hispaniac, Jersayen, Asian, and Canadian assassins and theives who try to overthrow the harsh and orderly government of CD in order to let the people choose how to rule themselves. Their leader is Antonio.
The Grand Army of Centauria Democratica: All native born & raised Centauryans, they fight with honor for their country. They're dressed like this except all white and gray armor. They are more trained then the police, and they are lead by High General Mach. They have many bases in The United Somalia, The Republics of France, and The American Archipelagos.
The Police of Cryopolis: Led by Inspector/Head Cheif Bloome, they are a highly trained police force that operate not only in Cryopolis, but in all the cities below the first mountains of Scantarva. They look like this normally, but will wear the jumpsuit, a black trench coat, and shades when undercover. They are all armed with either a handgun or an assault rifle. The commandos are equipped with Sniper Rifles and shotguns.
More things will be added as the story progesses.
All criticisms and thoughts are accepted.
Happy Reading!
~A~
Last edited by The Mortal on Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:22 pm; edited 3 times in total | |
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Lord Mayhem First Toa Team
Posts : 1735
| Subject: merger Sat Nov 20, 2010 5:13 pm | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 5:32 pm | |
| Iraemancer, please post in the review topic (here), not in the actual epic. Sorry, AF, I don't have a full review just yet. -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 5:33 pm | |
| Irae: Well, gee, that was constructive. Wally: Take your time. ~A~ | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 6:24 pm | |
| I like it, of course. It sets a dark and odd mood. I did notice a couple of things, though. Firstly, for a First Police Unit, they seemed awfully gullible. Secondly, eagles don't caw... -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:33 pm | |
| The story IS very odd and dark. Unit One is not very smart. And I've replaced "Caw" with "noise". ~A~ | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:37 pm | |
| I assumed it would be odd and dark. What epic of yours hasn't been? (AND THIS IS WHY WE NEED SOME COUNTERPOINT COMEDIES, SPECTRAL) And I see. -|W|G|- | |
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Lord Mayhem First Toa Team
Posts : 1735
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:46 pm | |
| well next time im stopped by the police I know what trick to use...
btw when are there gonna be more dead men tell no tales installments? | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:51 pm | |
| @Irae: You can call it DMTNT if you want. I plan to update it by sections, once every one or two weeks.
@Wally: I WILL WRITE A COMEDY NEXT
~A~ | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:01 pm | |
| It'll probably be a dark and odd comedy, too. -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:20 pm | |
| Twisted Comedy, my specialty.
~A~ | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:38 pm | |
| I thought it was Spectral's humor. Also, I was wondering... what will Arkan's name change to, if requested? Or is it that an alternate name can be submitted? -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sat Nov 20, 2010 11:15 pm | |
| Well, it's up to Arkadios. It's his avatar, it's based off of him. He can change it whenever he wants. Likewise, you all can have characters in it if you want. ~A~ | |
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The Spectral Mask Head Librarian & Game Master
Posts : 3659
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:13 am | |
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The Spectral Mask Head Librarian & Game Master
Posts : 3659
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:17 am | |
| Very interesting. As always, you appeared to be inspired by something brilliant (Assassin's Creed) and turned it into something even greater. However, you carried over a few elements from AC that ruined the effect - the ethnicities of the characters? The picture in the first post of this topic? Your story is good, but some of the elements carried over from AC make it seem unoriginal. In addition, all three officers in one swipe? Killing one that way is epic, but three is unrealistic, and more action could've taken place if Antonio needed three seperate tricks. That move made him seem like Harly, which isn't nessessarily a good thing (though we all love him).
It's not bad, but anyone who knows where that picture's from feels a little disapointed afterward. I won't make any suggestions on how to fix the things I don't like here, but if you want them, I can give them. Still, you have author's powers to do whatever you want - don't let my opinions change your story, at the very most lightly influence it.
Sorry if this was overly negative, but coming to the review and seeing AC shocked me, and I suddenly put a lot of puzzle peices togather about Antonio that disapointed me. That's all for now... | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:19 am | |
| NOW I know where that picture's from. I still think Malfatto and the Mage King are good characters... -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:27 am | |
| @Spectral: Well duh, what did you think I meant when I said that this was a mix between Assassins Creed and Looking for Group? Something not Assassins Creed? As for the banner, well, it was the best working image. I originally considered finding images or commissioning them on Deviant Art for the characters, but it seems to me that this image fit them all the best. As for the TRIPLE KILL [/call of duty], you must understand a couple things: One, Antonio is one of the most quick/flexible characters in this world, and two, the three guards were grouped together. Perhaps only two guards were killed in from behind, and the third turned around, getting sliced, STILL, in the neck, but I'll leave that to you reader. And the ethnic backgrounds of the players? Let me tell you something, neither Altair or Ezio were Portuguese. I simply chose the background because, one, I wasn't going to have them ALL Americans, and two, I can speak some Spanish. @Wally: THEY ARE THANK YOU I think you might like Malfatto. | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:33 am | |
| Wait a minute, I thought you already were MalfattoI sure don't see why I'd dislike him. Also, that is one flaw with the Assassin's Creed banner... it doesn't have the Mage King. -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:36 am | |
| Well, the Mage King is only seen towards, like, the end of Chapter 2.... And I plan to make each chapter have about 10 sections... So yeah. I think there's a reason he isn't on there. ~A~ | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:43 am | |
| Whoa wow what. I thought you said he was the main character? -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:44 am | |
| The Mage King is HEARD from, he's just not SEEN, or given a DESCRIPTION. And Antonio is the main character. | |
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Lignar Mysterious Figure
Posts : 8336
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:55 am | |
| Okay then. Still, the Mage King's one of my favorite characters. -|W|G|- | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:03 am | |
| And he should be.
He's maging up your countries, snatching yo' conspiracers up, gotta hide 'em all cuz he's maging up everyone out there.
~A~ | |
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The Spectral Mask Head Librarian & Game Master
Posts : 3659
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:16 am | |
| When you said it would be a mix of Assassin's Creed and Looking for a Group, I expected something like this. I just didn't know DMTNT was a mix of Assassin's Creed and Looking for a Group - I thought you were talking about something else.
This story would be great if you shook off your roots and went in your own direction with it, something you are capable of doing and might still do. It's good, but it's not great... yet. | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:20 am | |
| What else would I be talking about? Well, I assure you I will try to be creative as it progresses. ~A~ | |
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:00 am | |
| - Arkadios wrote:
I applause you,
very nice job, and very exiting.
keep up the good work.
~Arkadios~ A reminder, all posts reviewing the story go in the review topic. And thank you. The next chapter would be up today, but I managed to leave it at school. ~A~ | |
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phantasmicAssassin Fall of the Robot
Posts : 97
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:14 am | |
| Do try to be a little more creative when posting a review, though. Anyways, next section will include a look into Antonio's backgrounds... As well as a look at the marvelous-ness that is Arkan. ~A~ | |
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phantasmicAssassin Fall of the Robot
Posts : 97
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:13 pm | |
| *Fangirls gasps*
*Fangirl faints*
Finally
~Arkan~
P.S Hows that for original?
Koolade, ooh... YA...
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:46 am | |
| Uh, 1-2 will be up soon, probably posted half at a time. I'm sorry for the long waits, school has been very busy this... Well... Year. So, in any case, the new section will go over just a little background, and show some of the skills of the second in command Liberadora, Arkan.
~A~ | |
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The Spectral Mask Head Librarian & Game Master
Posts : 3659
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
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-Sykura- Matoran Universe Created
Posts : 536
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
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-Sykura- Matoran Universe Created
Posts : 536
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Cryomancer The Cold Mage
Posts : 5869
| Subject: Re: Dead Men Tell No Tales: The Review Topic Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:07 pm | |
| I coulda sworn I said it somewhere around here... But basically, CD is split into three sections.
The lower half of the country is mainly field like, with somewhat tropical weather....
The middle section is mainly like New York, or other big cities. A lot of tall buildings and crowded streets.
The top half, named Scantarva, is a lot like alaska (Without the polar bear-hunting-almost Vice Presidents.) There's lots of mountains, Christmas trees, and snow.
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