Teneo Review Topic

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

Teneo, as you all well know, has gone through quite a lot of work before becoming the epic it is today. This is the third time I have attempted a project using the label “Teneo”, and the fifth time I have attempted a project revolving around the internet metaphorically represented by a location, in this case a universe of its own. This is the story of myself personified in this world, a very strange, complex tale which you can read here.

One of the largest themes in the story is one of alternate universes, and the belief that somewhere in an infinite expanse of universes; every wild possibility is a reality. As a result, this story may conflict with others, especially the Tale (which you should read if you haven’t already). I would ask you, before posting in this topic, to kindly respect the differences between this and any other work. Also, I am aware of my own imperfection and would ask that any errors you see be reported so that I can fix them; I’m a terrible speller and the plot is so deep I might slip up and make a mistake or two.

Yes, Teneo is indeed an in-depth story, with very long updates and very confusing plot points. So, to help keep things straight, here is an easy guide for your use:

Table of Contents

Prologue; Page 1
Chapter One; Page 1

Characters

J'ang - | - A Native Queritor living in Chan'Lo with his mother. J'ang hates all Haporians, and in fact anyone who travels to Teneo and tries to establish authority. He is a feirce nativist and has an imature hatered of the Shaper of Life, without whom he would never have existed. He stubbornly guards his mother and goes with her to illegal gatherings of worshipers beneath Raunoran Manor.

Gorrin – The leader of the Assassin’s Guild. His ancestors have ruled over the mountain range for nearly one thousand years; he is the seventeenth in the dynasty.

Lord Raunoran - A member of the Assassin's Guild, specificly a tutor and translator. He works in his spare time translating a religious book his twin sons found in a restricted library, and leads a following of Haporians and Queritor who worship the deity Gia'Kun.

Farnik and Jenro Raunoran - two twins who are assassins-in-training, even if they give their trainers more than they bargened for. These two jokers broke into Gorrin's restricted library and stole the Book of Gia'Kun, giving it to their father to translate. Now they are held in high regard among the woshipers of Gia'Kun.

The Shaper of Life – }I{ – A.K.A. the Life Giver, the First Traveler, the Leader of the Shapers, ect. – A very mysterious being with the ability to influence life itself. He “nourished” a single “seed” in a world far from his own, which sparked the queritor equivalent of the Big Bang. The group of godlike entities under his leadership, called collectively the Shapers, then molded the raw energy released into elements. The other Shapers left, but the SoL stayed behind, planning on guiding a future group of heroes and heroines with similar powers to victory against an undefined threat in the far future.

Gia'Kun - a diety said to have been created by the Shaper of Life to protect the Queritor. Nothing is known about his nature or power.

The Toolmaker and the Traveler – A.K.A. the Grey One and the Golden One, the Third and Second Travelers, the Dark Shaper and the Shaper of Travel, ect. – these two Shapers traveled with the SoL to the origins of the universe. Both had given gifts to their leader at some point in their past, and each wanted the gift the other had given (although the Traveler wanted to destroy the gift he sought after). One was gutsy enough to try to kill the SoL and take it, but the other sacrificed his sanity to save him. It is currently unknown which is which. The SoL considered both gifts of high importance to preserving the universe, but decided the gift the traitor sought after might be insignificant enough to give to him; after the betrayal, however, the SoL ended up keeping both gifts, despite wishing he could give the one who remained loyal the gift he sought after.

Other Shapers – A.K.A. the Travelers, the Alliance, the Organization, ect. – other Shapers include the Shaper of Cold, the Shaper of Stone, the Shaper of Power, and the Advisor. Little is known about any of them.

Concepts

Assassin’s Guild – Once the Authoritarian Guild, a group consisting of Haporians who, while feeling superior to their Queritor counterparts, wished to “help them become more civilized”. After Gorrin the First became its Head Guildsman, the Guild’s agenda became darker. The Guild trains an unrivaled army of assassins and rents itself out for Haporian powers while oppressing the Queritor villagers. The Guild does not allow freedom of any kind, be it freedom of speech, religion, or even the ability to choose your job. Perhaps the only consolation the Queritor have is that the Guild is just as ruthless to its own members; young, fit Haporian children are separated from their families and trained in unforgiving conditions, and only members of the Gorrin Dynasty see the spoils.

Energy – A strange force created by the Shaper of Power at the beginning if the universe. Some individuals have the ability to use this energy to manipulate an element or force within the universe, similar to the Shapers themselves. Currently known elements are Life, Travel, Stone, Air (and likely other gases), Cold, and Power. It is currently unknown what the Advisor’s and Toolmaker’s alignments were, but these would likely also be useable. It is also likely that every element or force in the Universe of Teneo might be manipulated in this way. (See also; Shaper)

Fire, Outlawing of – The Guild outlawed flame in the mountain range. The Queritor are largely compliant with this, as a wildfire destroyed their rainforest home. Whether Gorrin wishes to suppress a symbol of freedom, to make his assassin’s lives even harder and improve their precision in the field, to actually comfort the Queritor, or some combination of the three, remains unknown.

Queritor – Speaking generally, to be “queritor” means to be “of Teneo”. However, the term is also applied to the natives of the continent of Teneo who lived in a lush rainforest before the Haporians arrived. Most Native Queritor now live in a bitter mountain range ruled over by the Assassin’s Guild.

Shaper – A.K.A. Traveler – beings of unknown origin who traveled to the beginning of the Universe of Teneo and nourished it. The Shaper of Life stayed behind while the rest returned home. (See also; Energy, The Shaper of Life, The Toolmaker and the Traveler, Other Shapers)

Teneo – 1) the continent on which most of the story takes place. 2) The planet on which that continent rests. 3) the universe in which the planet orbits its sun (see Universe of Teneo, the, for more information.) If someone or something is from Teneo or of Teneo, he/she/they/it is referred to as being “queritor”. (See also; Queritor)

Tool, the Shaper of Life’s – A.K.A. the Toolmaker’s gift, the Item in the Satchel, ect. – A tool of some kind which the Toolmaker gifted to the Shaper of Life. Nothing is known about it other than it is contained in a dark brown satchel, it is somehow “aesthetic”, it may be important to preserving the universe, and the Traveler despises it deeply, even though he usually tries to hide his hate. If the Traveler was the traitor, then the Shaper of Life may have considered the Tool not entirely necessary to his cause and the Weapon absolutely vital. (See also; Weapon, the Shaper of Life’s)

Universal Seed – a small, round object which contains all of the matter and antimatter in a universe. When energized with life energy, it explodes, releasing raw energy which must be molded. It is unknown if all universes begin this way or just some.

Universe of Teneo, the – the alternate universe in which the story largely takes place. The single known inhabited planet is also called Teneo, and the continent on which the story takes place is called Teneo too. If someone or something is from Teneo or of Teneo, he/she/they/it is referred to as being “queritor”. (See also; Queritor, Teneo)

Weapon, the Shaper of Life’s – A.K.A. the Traveler’s Gift, ect. – The gift the Traveler gave to the Shaper of Life at some point in their past. The Shaper of Life comments on how strange it is he was able to do this, for unknown reasons. The Toolmaker desperately wants it, also for unknown reasons, perhaps so badly it led to him betraying the SoL; if the Toolmaker was the traitor, then the Shaper of Life may have considered the Weapon not entirely necessary to his cause and the item in the satchel absolutely vital. (See also; Tool, the Shaper of Life’s)

Worshipers of Gia’Kun – A.K.A. Raunoran’s Cult, the Meeting, ect. – a group of Haporians and Queritor led by Lord Raunoran in worship of the Shaper of Life and Gia’Kun.

The Cold Mage Posts : 5869

Wow, I really enjoyed the first chapter/prolouge!

I like how the story seems to be going, and I also smile at your MYST ery.

Can't wait to read more.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

It is, of course, interesting. It's just the prologue, though, and frankly so far I found the conflict to be terribly cliched. Neutral

Three characters, one to lead, one to help, one to betray. Plus of course we don't really know what's going on here.

I look forward to more, but this first one, I don't know.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

That sounded ever so slightly corner, AK, but I'll take it .

Hah, Wally nija'd me while I was sending this. I have never been very good at figuring out what is cliche and what isn't. I suppose that is rather, cliche, but hey, it's a creation story. There are querior, native or otherwise, who worship these guys. In fact, that becomes a major conflict early in the story. Like most religions, it is cliche. After all, we have three major religions here in reality who are all the same up to Abraham!

And what's not to get? A bunch of guys created a universe and then ensured the Augurer would exist, and then one was betrayed on account of one of the items he was holding.

I find it very straightforward.

Oh, wow! I was wondering what you meant with the Myst reference, and just as I was writing this post I realized how the Toolmaker/Traveler thing is so similar to Sirrus/Achenar. I swear to the Shaper of Life, that was unintentional! I leave the Myst references in SBURB, usually.

Any speculation to which of them it was? It's a question, really, of which emotion you think is stronger; hate or desire. ... well, not really. The conflict will show up in the future, which is why I introduced it now.

Oh, I also forgot to explain the symbols between every transition (currently only '&' and '}I{'). I'll edit it into the first post ...

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

No I meant BESIDES THESE GUYS BACKSTABBING EACH OTHER OVER MAGIC UNIVERSAL TOOLS, I don't get what's going on.

Yeah about the religions though, I get what you mean.

Also lol, unintentional Troll Romance reference. ("which emotion you think is stronger, hate or desire" - Karkat was explaining something similar)

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

Oh, you mean you don't know why the tools are important, and think they're just MacGuffins? No worries, the tools will later be re-introduced into the plot with actual purpose.

Even if you won't know them when you see them.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Oh kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay?

Are you sure they aren't just...

FORGED?

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

thats really all there is to say on the matter

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

I'm uncertain. Should I edit your post to change it to blue-grey, if you were imitating me by speaking in red? Or should I leave it alone, because you were referencing Hella Jeff or something?

Also, I was wondering if you knew what a MacGuffin was. I do, and I suppose I could have substituted it with something else, but I threw it in there ...

To see if it started a conflict ...

AND FOR NO OTHER REASON.

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

I was referencing Dave. Hella Jeff doesn't even talk in red.

(most of the time)

And I don't know what a MacGuffin is. However, by its context, I could...

FIGURE IT OUT.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

... sorry, I didn't get that joke.

A proper CSI Miama reference must have a double meaning. For example, a MacGuffin is a plot device. It is an object, character, or idea who/which is introduced to a story with the sole purpose of creating conflict. This is usually frowned upon because the object itself could be replaced by several alternatives and have the same effect; to avoid being a plot device, the item's nature must serve some other purpose in the story.

Since I introduced the idea of the MacGuffin in this topic just to create conflict when I could have replaced it with something else, it becomes comical.

Even if we were actually talking about the "MAGIC UNIVERSAL TOOLS" as possible MacGuffins.

... this is all going to go way over your head and you're just going to drag us further off topic with a terrible joke, aren't you?

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Oh, so just a plot device. Yeah, I guess that's kind of what I guessed, but not really? I don't know.

Anyway, seriously, did you really think that I was going to make any proper CSI Miami joke?

im teling you, stuff like that is UNREAL, it just DOESN'T HAPEN

Think of it as payback.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

... you're right, I deserve this.

Although wouldn't it be more appropriate to compare Teneo with the Tale instead? And by the way, as soon as I send this message I'm counting the amount of spam messages I sent on your topic and limiting yours here. If you're talking about payback.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Dude, I'm not obsessed with posting random stuff here.

There's not much to compare to the Tale yet, as the origin of the Outlands World is just as normal (or not?) as Earth's, or any other inhabitable planet.

But I have nothing to review on this now, so that's all I have to say for now.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

Good point, there isn't much else ro review ... but that will be rectified.

And for the record, I've spammed eight times in your topic, and you've spammed thrice in mine. Immediate Association doesn't count, right? As what we write in hide text isn't spam, and anyway it's not like whatever I said was immediatly retorted by you or Maestro.

And notice I'm kind enough to forget the blog post for Teneo/Dheservis/Fanteera/City of Silver, the Specter's Last Dance, and LORDDROL.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Ohhh kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay?[/sbahj]

Anyway it hardly matters. Blog posts I don't count because they're posts in blogs, and those aren't actually topics. And you've moved the other two.

SO. I await more, I guess.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

Indeed, you do await more.

Ahem. Anyway, I've finally decided just to leave the symbols in the character bios and not give them their own entry in the first post of this topic. Not that any of you have read it, have you? I doubt you have.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

I read all the stuff at the beginning, actually. ALL OF IT. I at least wanted to understand what all this stuff is, while I was reading it.

But I subsequently FOROGOT it.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

Ha, ha, ha, yeah.

But I've always found it strange that we Codrexians, despite overthinking and overanalysing things like BIONICLE and SBURB, don't take in-depth looks at our own epics.

For example, I don't suppose anyone is curious how the Traveler could have, if he was the traitor, caused the Shaper of Life to feel "ripped apart"? Or what the Toolmaker's power might be if he was the traitor? Or how the Shapers seem to mirror, at least the personality of, the Augurer with the same elemental alignment?

I have explanations to all of those, but now I'm concerned no one's interested in the finer details of this epic.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Like I said, I FOROGOT it all already.

If I didn't forget so much stuff, I'd be concerned you guys aren't trying to figure out the Weird Plot Stuff I already used in the Tale.

And if I can't even keep track of what people are saying about my own epic... yeah.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

You now have spammed five times and have three remaining. Or was it eight and five, or ... never mind.

Hey! I've been overthinking the Tale plenty! What weird plot stuff have I not commented about? The loggin guards, alter egos, the ~~creepy raven~~ fishcrow ...

Edit: The first chapter is up! Narrated by J'ang, a thirteen-year old villager in Chan'Lo, whose symbol is a simple verticle line, '|'. J'ang is a main character within the mountians, and he'll be in charge of narration for the rest of the chapter.

Yes, the rest of the chapter. I will edit the post to add in the second part of chapter one, what occurs after the secret meeting, as soon as I finnish it. Ra Hannah narrates Chapter Two, which, naturally, is in a seperate post.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Once again, I found this intriguing but the conflict cliched.

There are questions that will or may be answered later, that are details that make this interesting - what did the names of the races come from, etc. The Dark Book is interesting, especially if - STORY TWIST IDEA ALERT -

Spoiler:

But then there's the age-old "oppressed people" conflict, etc. Still doesn't really detract from this particular chapter, though, so I didn't really mind it.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

Wally, I think by your standards, the basic story structure would also be cliched.

Which would make sense. The Tale has many advantages and disadvantages over Teneo in an epic contest, and one of its appeals is the interesting story structure. Currently, it seems more like a realistic series of events while Teneo is sounding like a Lord of the Rings knock-off.

"Haporians" - of the Haporis. "Hapori" is Maori for community.

"Queritor" - Latin for "held", which makes sense when compared to "teneo" meaning "grip". Of the grip, being held.

The book is acturate, if destorted to the Shaper of Life's point of view. He
Spoiler:
Ironicly, Raunoran hasn't finnished translating it yet. Party because it's written in an ancient language, partly because it's written in code, and partially because the scribe who wrote it all down had appauling handwriting.

Again, this entire epic is likely going to come across as cliched, so I'll ignore it when you say that from now on.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Well, kind of.

My whole life in terms of writing stories is to bash and warp the basic ideas into something completely new and whole.

I figured the Haporians would be "of the Haporis", but I actually never knew what Hapori meant.

So thank you.

"Queritor" is more of an abstract grasping word - like, to "grasp" an idea.

Ah, okay, so it is somewhat warped, if not totally since it was actually written by a contemporary.

And fine.

Doesn't mean I'll completely stop saying it though because that's the way I'm cliched in.

-|W|G|-

Head Librarian & Game Master Posts : 3659

Yeah, I'm aware of the whole abstract thing. I don't really care.

I also don't think you can use "cliched" in a sentence like that.

Mysterious Figure Posts : 8336

Still, not exactly a synonym, even though it works as a name.

And THAT'S JUST THE WAY I'M CLICHED IN. *shot*

-|W|G|-